I'm a mum, now what?

I had got to the point where I was ready for a change - I had spent 4 years commuting from Hamilton to Auckland for my teaching job. I loved my job, the school I taught at was great,  I had the best colleagues and enjoyed the challenges of teaching. But, it was time for a new challenge, I didn't want to continue commuting and we didn't want to move to Auckland, there was no point in finding a school in Hamilton to teach at, only to want to take maternity leave soon after. 

The time was right for us to start a family, we were both ready for a change in lifestyle, ready to give up the partying and late nights. Ready for the challenges of parenthood! 

My husband and I had decided that I would be a stay at home mum until our children started school...this is what both of our mum's did and what we wanted for our own children aswell.  We had worked hard to get into a good financial position, owned our own home, had savings for an emergency and had written a budget to make sure we were able to live off my husbands wage.

So little baby Naia was born in January, all my teaching friends were heading back to work not long after, while I rubbed it in that I as at home enjoying the rest of summer...Naia was a very good baby - she literally just went to sleep as soon as I lay her down with little protest, I soon had  a lot of time on my hands, time I wasn't used to.

None of my friends had babies and I felt quite lonely being at home all day with just me and a baby that slept for the majority of the day. I started really missing teaching, the busy days and the interaction with other adults. I remember saying to my mum that I want to go back to work because i'm bored and not enjoying being at home all day.

I spent 4 years at university and 5 years teaching....all to now be at home with a baby, not putting my knowledge to use and knowing that I wouldnt be returning to work any time soon.

In this day and age, there is so much pressure put on us mum's to be everything to everyone. To have a successful career and to be a great mum, I still feel like i'm not doing enough to contribute to society by not working (even though that is ridiculous because i'm spending time bringing up the next generation and that is contributing to society in a huge way)

I feel like when I became a mum, part of me was left behind, the fun, carefree 29 year old Katie has been traded for a sensible (somewhat boring) now 33 year old version of me. Everything that I had worked so hard to achieve has now been pushed aside.

I know that this just a small part of my life in the scheme of things, I do enjoy being a mum and now that I have 2 daughters the days are a lot different to those initial days with just me and Naia. I know the kids will grow up fast, I will eventually return to work and will regain some freedom again, I am lucky to be able to stay at home with the girls, but its not all sunshine and lollipops, it is a lot harder than I thought!!

Have any of you felt the same way?